I really hate her.

She just doesn't know when to shut her fucking yap! Stupid bitch almost ruined another event for me and my family by shooting off her insolent negative, mouth. She's sitting with my in-laws before Ellie's grad not realizing or at the very least not caring that my wife is sitting directly behind her. She proceeds to tell them that the cottage is a tear down and that if it weren't for my wife she would sell it and how we don't have any money to contribute. That my wife won't let her sell it. That it needs upgrades and we won't let her do them. That she needs to do them in order to keep getting renters so she can keep collecting money from them. That it has to happen sooner or later whether we like it or not. All this to my in-laws. She'll spew her garbage to anyone. Fuck her.

This made me furious. So much so my wife was extremely sorry she even told me. I was shaking with rage waiting for the ceremony to start. It took me until half way through to get myself out that furry and to the point where I could enjoy and feel proud for my daughter. I was yelling at my wife in the hopes that the bitch would hear me say that she can fucking sell the place because she's ruining it for everyone else. I'm starting to loath the mere thought of that place. I hate her more and more each day for that. She's managed or I've let her destroy that place for me.

Then after the ceremony she has the nerve to repeat the whole thing to my wife as if she had never heard it before. My wife said something like this to her, "You say this every year at this time and then come August when we're sitting out there together you look around and say out loud 'I guess we don't have it so bad after all.' so why don't we skip this part and look forward to August." She can say that and get away with it because she can say it as if it's a joke. If that were me no matter how I said it there would be shit to pay. I have to find a way to make her 'shit' inconsequential. I suppose if and when the cottage is out of the way nothing she says will really be of any consequence to me. I told my wife today that I was trying to hold on and make it through this kind of bullshit so that when she was finally gone my kids, my wife, my brothers and their families, even all of our friends and especially me could actually enjoy the cottage without her or her crap looming. She told me that I (me) could not make it and that it would kill me first. That she's already worried by how I let my mom effect me and how she had never seen anyone evoke such rage from me. She told me, and this was meant as a joke because she loved him so, that she was feeling both mad and sorry for my dad. Mad at him for shielding us from her all those years and sorry for him for what he must have endured in doing so. That it surely is what drove him crazy and to his somewhat early deathbed. Sad thing is she's right.

He would never let us go off on her. Always covering for her evil behaviour, making excuses to us for it. Telling us how she felt worse than anyone about her behaviour and how that made it even worse for her than anyone else. Sort of self-perpetuating. What bullshit. Sorry dad but that was wrong and nothing more than a total excuse for her to be rude and mean. Maybe if we had all grown up telling her that we weren't going to accept this kind of behaviour from her we could have developed better coping strategies or at the very least better fighting skills to stand up to her and her bullshit. There was never any honesty aloud when it came to her. That's still the case. Fuck her.

Another day...

Well I survived to another day and so far not so bad. Actually for some reason I am feeling a little better. Could be that I survived dinner with her last night, relatively unscathed. Had to endure listening to everything all over again while she told it all to my wife. You'd think she'd get sick of talking about the same thing, telling the same story over and over again. Apparently not!

She of course reacted as I thought she would about the girls grad ceremony. "I wished I have known about this. I would have bought a present." Things like that. To be fair I should have told her earlier but really did forget. That being said even if I had told her earlier it still would have created anxiety and whatnot around the simple event. Now I'm not sure if she is coming or not. I know that she's feeling like she wasn't properly invited so she may not show at all. I don't know for sure and the truth is I don't care. If she chooses not to come that's her choice and it has no bearing on anything important. Actually I wish she wouldn't come at all. That way I don't have to deal with her and my family and the school staff and my friends all at the same time. She's so needy and if she doesn't get the attention, assistance, gratitude or whatever else she is demanding this day she makes it very difficult for me to relax and enjoy the event. Selfish of me? Sure but what the hell. Everybody else seems allowed to have their selfish moments, especially her, so why not me once in a while?

Like I care.

I tried taking a day or two off but it was not meant to be. Instead I have had to endure talking to her every day this week! Some days more than once. It's always about the most ridiculous and or mundane crap I've ever heard. Sheet sets for her new bed at the cottage that she is so sure she'll not even use this summer. New pillows for the couch at the cottage. I have been instructed, and I use that term as if I was talking with a drill sergeant, to toss the current 'toss' cushions because they are ugly and thread-bare. Could have fooled me! And of course endless updates about the comings and goings of Sid. What joy that information brings me! I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHERE HE IS OR WHAT THE HELL HE'S DOING!

Today it was a new low. I really have no idea where she comes up with this crap. Today she tells me that she phoned Suchy (Lawn care provider at cottage) to find out if he is not cutting the grass in the back yard because he is upset about the fact that she paid him in instalments. Un-fucking-believable. She got his answering machine and who knows what kind of message she left. Hmmm, could it have to do with the way she paid him or could it be because of the TWO TO SIX INCHES OF STANDING WATER IN THE FUCKEN YARD. Open your eyes ya dumb ninny. What an absurd thing to come up with and from what she said I would gather that she has been obsessing about this since last night some time. Of course I tried to point this out but because other yards have been done she just doesn't get why ours is not. Get a fucking brain will ya!

I suppose the real question here is why do I let this shit get to me. I think part of it is because I get so inundated with it on such a regular basis that it all piles up. In turn I get frustrated with listening. Today I made an initial call to a counsellor. She comes highly recommended by a number of people that I know and respect. Here's hoping she calls me back because today for some reason I'm really feeling like I need her.

Day off.

I tried to take the day off yesterday. Was hoping not to have to deal with her at all. I even figured that by phoning to see how things were and to just say hi would be more than enough, especially when I got the answering machine.

But no it was not to be. She and her obviously not-so-ill looser brother drove out to the lake for the day. From there she called me twice. The first time to tell me how wet it was out there at HER cottage. Like I didn't fucking already know that. While on that call she gave me the gears for not going to the wedding party last night. I told her that because kids weren't invited we chose not to go to that one. She of course tried to justify how people don't need to invite kids to these things which I agree is their right. But it is also my right to say well if you're not inviting all of us then none of us can make it. She told me we were the losers for not going. I laughed and told her that we were instead having a BBQ with a bunch a friends and that I saw no losing in that. Crazy bitch. We're losers because we don't want to go to a fancy shindig at Glendale Country Club? Yah okay!

Then she calls me back to give me a longwinded explanation about what the hell she's going to do with her bed sheets and comforter; when she's going to wash them and where. I'm just about to say "and you phoned to tell me this why?" when she changes the subject and starts with the Sid is doing this next door do you think we should too kind of crap. I tell her that what she is wondering about has already been done. Then she says that he just bought an answering machine and maybe we should get one too. I tell her that I just picked one up at a garage sale specifically for out there. Every time she refers to the cottage she refers to it as "mine" or "my cottage" etc. I'm not sure if she does that on purpose or what but it bugs me. It's hers when it's convenient for her and when there's something wrong it's "our cottage." It's all such bullshit that I can't even give it another shot. Suffice it to say that the nicest thing she said about the place and the work that we did was to agree that yes it was spotless. Bitch! I don't know why I would expect anything different, but if she thinks I'm going to bust my ass again for her like that then she can forget that. I'm sick of it. I'll do what I have to in order to meet my standards but I'll be damned if I'm going to bust my ass to meet her standards again. Not with that kind of non-graditude. Fuck her.