An anniversary of sorts. Well actually it is a significant anniversary; my wife and I have been officially together for 21 years as of today. Not bad. We've been together half my life now. That's pretty cool. We'll have been married for 15 years as of this September but we have been seeing each other/living together for 21. Good for us!
Yesterday wasn't to bad. Oh, there was no contact nor any attempted contact. Could that be why it was not a bad day? That and the fact that I got quite a bit of work done wile I watched it rain and rain and rain and ... well you get the point. Many places in the province have broken rain accumulation records, Gimli included. The previous record there for the month of June was something just under 150 mm. The new record is just under 200 mm. Now there are all sorts of problems arising as a result of the rain. Air-bourne moulds from fields getting mouldy after having all that water in them and then drying up. There is an E-Choli alert for the south basin of Lake Winnipeg. Probably from all my neighbours pumping their yards into the lake! By doing so they are pumping ground/rain water mixed with septic field water. I guess that's why they are still able to use their systems. A lousy trade off if you ask me.
I dread the next 48 hours as I have to go out there and assess whether or not the renters can come in. I'm getting the tank pumped tomorrow, but I'm guessing that won't make much difference. My only hope is that things dry up out there as quickly as they have here in the city. It was remarkable yesterday how much a few short hours of sun and strong winds dried things up. I am keeping my fingers crossed but am not optimistic. Damn, I just checked the weather forecast and of course it's changed to more rain tonight, tomorrow and all the way through until Tuesday! Nothing I can do about that. Cie la vie! Still the worst part will be dealing with her. The renters have been very understanding at least about the first week. The second one is the more crucial week for them as that is when their European family arrives. I'll do what I can and they know and understand that. At the other end is her and her crap. I'm not going to project, mostly because I'm feeling half decent today, but I can predict that it will be crazy-making and unpleasant.
Must work now. Maybe more later.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Why?
As if things couldn't get any worse it's been raining non-stop for at least 24 hours! My yard has pools of standing water in it; the ground is over-saturated. My basement is leaking and the carpets are wet again. I am on a tight deadline having picked up more work from BCG and my office is in the basement. The RM of Gimli has declared itself a disaster area, mostly due to the farmers plight from the excessive rain but also because people's land in general is being flooded out, ours being no exception. I am about to ruin a number of people's summer vacation plans and I still have this head cold/chest thing going strong! Damn, what did I do to deserve this? I know I've done some shitty things in my life but did I really collect enough bad karma for all of this shit to be hitting me at once?
The worst of it is trying to deal with her while all of this is going down. She called yesterday morning and I didn't answer knowing full well what it would be about. Then she called again later in the day and I figured if I didn't answer she would just keep calling. So I answered knowing what I was going to get. Again it was passive aggressive shit. First she wanted to know how my cold was only because she wanted to tell me that Sid had finally gone to the doctor and was diagnosed with a sinus infection and put on antibiotics. Big fucking deal! She figured that I must have the same thing; she's also a doctor you know. I told her the other day I was seeing my doctor next week and I told her again and she acted like that was absurd because Sid's doctor saw him right away. Like I fucking care! Then instead of asking something normal like "so what do think about all the rain and how that's going to affect the renters," she pulls this passive aggressive shit again. Instead she asks me if I've read the paper today. Did I read the lead story about the rain ruining the lives of all the farmers and that the RM of Gimli has declared themselves a disaster area? I told her I had read it. Her answer was "just wondering?" I did not respond to that and cut the conversation short by saying that I had to go and that I would talk to her later. Her answer was "I guess so!" in her unhappy voice. God damn if you have something to say just say it. I will not play games with you. I will not engage in that kind behaviour. Of course the problem continues to worsen with all this rain and it is unlikely that the renters will be able to get in at least not on Sunday. I know this, and she knows damn well that I know this, but she must play her stupid little games. I have a plan which she is well aware of and if she doesn't like it it's up to her to say so.
Fuck her, I have to work now.
The worst of it is trying to deal with her while all of this is going down. She called yesterday morning and I didn't answer knowing full well what it would be about. Then she called again later in the day and I figured if I didn't answer she would just keep calling. So I answered knowing what I was going to get. Again it was passive aggressive shit. First she wanted to know how my cold was only because she wanted to tell me that Sid had finally gone to the doctor and was diagnosed with a sinus infection and put on antibiotics. Big fucking deal! She figured that I must have the same thing; she's also a doctor you know. I told her the other day I was seeing my doctor next week and I told her again and she acted like that was absurd because Sid's doctor saw him right away. Like I fucking care! Then instead of asking something normal like "so what do think about all the rain and how that's going to affect the renters," she pulls this passive aggressive shit again. Instead she asks me if I've read the paper today. Did I read the lead story about the rain ruining the lives of all the farmers and that the RM of Gimli has declared themselves a disaster area? I told her I had read it. Her answer was "just wondering?" I did not respond to that and cut the conversation short by saying that I had to go and that I would talk to her later. Her answer was "I guess so!" in her unhappy voice. God damn if you have something to say just say it. I will not play games with you. I will not engage in that kind behaviour. Of course the problem continues to worsen with all this rain and it is unlikely that the renters will be able to get in at least not on Sunday. I know this, and she knows damn well that I know this, but she must play her stupid little games. I have a plan which she is well aware of and if she doesn't like it it's up to her to say so.
Fuck her, I have to work now.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Chicken little...
Shit! We're getting more rain and lots of it today. We are inundated with thunderstorms throughout the southern province. Truth is I love thunderstorms and this would normally not be such a big deal if it weren't for chicken little, the renters and the cottage. Gimli is under a heavy rainfall warning and could receive as much as 100 mm of rain in the next 12 hours. That's a lot of rain in such a short time especially given the fall/winter/spring we've had not to mention the fact that they had another 56 mm of rain this past Sunday night. Why is this happening to me? If it is as bad as they say I may actually have to cancel the renters. That would suck big time as while they are out there they have people coming for visits from the States and Europe. I won't make any decisions until I get out there and see for myself what the conditions are.
She called at precisely 10:40 AM this morning. It's like she sits at the phone watching the clock and phones at exactly the same time each time. I did not answer as I know what I'd get. It would be chicken little squawking about how the sky is falling (and it literally is rain wise) and how all is doomed. She would instruct me that I better phone the renters and tell them that they can't use the place. Squawk, squawk, squawk. That's all she does is squawk, just like chicken fucking little. Well I'm not into giving that an audience today. She can lay it on someone else for a change.
I woke up feeling sort of good today and intend to not let her ruin that. I finally met with a counsellor last night and it went very well. I did most of the talking and unloaded all sorts of crap on her. She said a couple of things that made me realize I needed help much more than I thought. I will see her again on Monday evening and am very much looking forward to it. At the very least I have someone who can listen to all this crap and help me sort through it with an outside perspective and years of experience helping people like me. Keep your fingers crossed, I think I'm onto something here.
No kids today; they're all on day long field trips etc. I'll bet some of them were re-arranged or cancelled due to the weather but none the less they are all at school for the whole day today. I'm still pretty sick with this flu/head cold thing so I plan on taking it easy unless of course BCG calls me in for more work. I'm still waiting to hear from them about the next piece but will try and relax until then.
She called at precisely 10:40 AM this morning. It's like she sits at the phone watching the clock and phones at exactly the same time each time. I did not answer as I know what I'd get. It would be chicken little squawking about how the sky is falling (and it literally is rain wise) and how all is doomed. She would instruct me that I better phone the renters and tell them that they can't use the place. Squawk, squawk, squawk. That's all she does is squawk, just like chicken fucking little. Well I'm not into giving that an audience today. She can lay it on someone else for a change.
I woke up feeling sort of good today and intend to not let her ruin that. I finally met with a counsellor last night and it went very well. I did most of the talking and unloaded all sorts of crap on her. She said a couple of things that made me realize I needed help much more than I thought. I will see her again on Monday evening and am very much looking forward to it. At the very least I have someone who can listen to all this crap and help me sort through it with an outside perspective and years of experience helping people like me. Keep your fingers crossed, I think I'm onto something here.
No kids today; they're all on day long field trips etc. I'll bet some of them were re-arranged or cancelled due to the weather but none the less they are all at school for the whole day today. I'm still pretty sick with this flu/head cold thing so I plan on taking it easy unless of course BCG calls me in for more work. I'm still waiting to hear from them about the next piece but will try and relax until then.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Passive agressive crap
She had to come here this morning to pick up her cards. Funny how when she wants to she can alter her schedule easily but not if anyone else asks that of her. She bought the wrong ones and although I thought she was going to return them and get the correct ones she has decided instead to just go to the card store and have them make them up. Fine by me; I really didn't need the aggravation anyway.
While she was here it was the usual crap about the cottage, the septic field and the renters. Then she throws in the passive aggressive shit that I hate so much. While sitting with the girls I hear her say "Oh that must be the blue table Sid was asking about." I gave her a look that I thought was obvious about how that made me feel and it didn't phase her one bit. Finally after a few moments of calming myself I said to her "You tell Sid to give me a list of anything and everything he wants back and I'll gladly give it back to him." "Oh no I couldn't or wouldn't do that, you would have to do that" she says. Like hell I'm going to do that. He gave us the shit when he stupidly decided to move in with his girlfriend; a dismal failure. At the time after he making jokes about this move maybe not lasting long I told him that if he wanted any of it back he just needed to let me know. His response was the same as hers "Oh no I'm not an Indian-giver." This is how these people think. And then at the same time they passively make it clear that they want it back but only if you give it to them and not by forcing them to ask for it. And they truly believe this is the proper way of doing things. That asking outright would be crass or some such thing. Fuck that. I'm not giving anything back unless outright asked for it, in which case I'll be happy to be rid of his loser stuff. It probably has bad karma all over it anyway.
While she was here it was the usual crap about the cottage, the septic field and the renters. Then she throws in the passive aggressive shit that I hate so much. While sitting with the girls I hear her say "Oh that must be the blue table Sid was asking about." I gave her a look that I thought was obvious about how that made me feel and it didn't phase her one bit. Finally after a few moments of calming myself I said to her "You tell Sid to give me a list of anything and everything he wants back and I'll gladly give it back to him." "Oh no I couldn't or wouldn't do that, you would have to do that" she says. Like hell I'm going to do that. He gave us the shit when he stupidly decided to move in with his girlfriend; a dismal failure. At the time after he making jokes about this move maybe not lasting long I told him that if he wanted any of it back he just needed to let me know. His response was the same as hers "Oh no I'm not an Indian-giver." This is how these people think. And then at the same time they passively make it clear that they want it back but only if you give it to them and not by forcing them to ask for it. And they truly believe this is the proper way of doing things. That asking outright would be crass or some such thing. Fuck that. I'm not giving anything back unless outright asked for it, in which case I'll be happy to be rid of his loser stuff. It probably has bad karma all over it anyway.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Crazy I tell ya.
One of us is crazy and I hoping it aint me. I returned her call this morning to find her with all sorts of ideas about what to do out at the cottage. Most if not all of them are purely cosmetic which doesn't bother me none. What bothers me is he craziness of slamming the place and us one minute and then playing all nice the next. Like she didn't say those things the other day.
I had decided before phoning her that I was just going to agree to what ever she said and do what I had to to get her what she wants. That of course was not good enough and she had the nerve to say things like "It's not up to me, you're the ones who use it so you tell me." or "Why is up to me?" I didn't want to get into how much that pisses me off given the crap she spewed the other day, and simply told her repeatedly that if she wanted this stuff done all she had to do was let me know and I'd arrange for it. The truth is most of it does not need doing before other things and I'm not up to debating any of this with her. That's why I'm trying to just be agreeable.
She is hung up on getting the windows washed inside and out. This is not important to me but after her asking if she should get someone to do it I did tell her that if she wanted it done and knew of someone to do it she should get them. I'm not going to argue with her about that although she persisted with the "why is up to me?" and I finally tried to explain to her that I thought the windows were fine but she obviously didn't and we obviously have different levels of what's fine in terms of window cleaning and if she thinks they need doing then to get them done. Geez, like I have time for this. And so the conversation went. With her laying all of it at my feet and leaving me to do it all and getting pissy about what she perceives as needing done and my apparently not doing or caring about what she feels needs to be done. She started talking about replacing the old wooden sliding windows. I really don't know where she comes up with these ridiculous ideas but I have a good idea where at least some of them come from. She also wants to build a shelter for the wood pile. Not to protect the wood so much but because in her words "it looks like a garbage dump back there."
Then she calls me again, while I'm writing this to ask me again if she should get someone to wash the windows. Enough with the fucking windows already. I yet again, repeat the same thing to her and she decides that if it's going to be raining out there this week then maybe it's not such a good idea. Then she tells me that the shelter for the wood pile is a priority and that she can't leave it looking like this. It's fucking spotless; nicely covered etc. Then she tells me that she knows that I've picked up more work and that she has to go and order condolence thank you cards from her dads death. All in the same breath. You know what's coming next. "Boy it's going to cost me so much to have them done, it's too bad I couldn't just get you to do them." Nice way of asking. Long story short, like a fucking idiot, I'm doing them. Will I ever learn? Apparently not! I'm a dumb ass!
I had decided before phoning her that I was just going to agree to what ever she said and do what I had to to get her what she wants. That of course was not good enough and she had the nerve to say things like "It's not up to me, you're the ones who use it so you tell me." or "Why is up to me?" I didn't want to get into how much that pisses me off given the crap she spewed the other day, and simply told her repeatedly that if she wanted this stuff done all she had to do was let me know and I'd arrange for it. The truth is most of it does not need doing before other things and I'm not up to debating any of this with her. That's why I'm trying to just be agreeable.
She is hung up on getting the windows washed inside and out. This is not important to me but after her asking if she should get someone to do it I did tell her that if she wanted it done and knew of someone to do it she should get them. I'm not going to argue with her about that although she persisted with the "why is up to me?" and I finally tried to explain to her that I thought the windows were fine but she obviously didn't and we obviously have different levels of what's fine in terms of window cleaning and if she thinks they need doing then to get them done. Geez, like I have time for this. And so the conversation went. With her laying all of it at my feet and leaving me to do it all and getting pissy about what she perceives as needing done and my apparently not doing or caring about what she feels needs to be done. She started talking about replacing the old wooden sliding windows. I really don't know where she comes up with these ridiculous ideas but I have a good idea where at least some of them come from. She also wants to build a shelter for the wood pile. Not to protect the wood so much but because in her words "it looks like a garbage dump back there."
Then she calls me again, while I'm writing this to ask me again if she should get someone to wash the windows. Enough with the fucking windows already. I yet again, repeat the same thing to her and she decides that if it's going to be raining out there this week then maybe it's not such a good idea. Then she tells me that the shelter for the wood pile is a priority and that she can't leave it looking like this. It's fucking spotless; nicely covered etc. Then she tells me that she knows that I've picked up more work and that she has to go and order condolence thank you cards from her dads death. All in the same breath. You know what's coming next. "Boy it's going to cost me so much to have them done, it's too bad I couldn't just get you to do them." Nice way of asking. Long story short, like a fucking idiot, I'm doing them. Will I ever learn? Apparently not! I'm a dumb ass!
Sunday, June 26, 2005
When she wants soemthing...
She called earlier this evening and I could not bring myself to answer. I just was not up to engaging. Along with my mental health being in the pits I woke up this morning with a head cold that is making me even more miserable.
At least this time she left a message. As I suspected she would from her veiled hints the other day, her and Sid went to the lake for the day. She was sweet as pie and gushing about the new lights in the kitchen and the fact that the grass was cut and things were drying up. And I wonder why I'm fucking crazy! She's bloody schizophrenic! Being completely nasty one day and then about the same thing being all nice and gushy. Of course it could only mean one thing; now she wants something from me. Bitch! And true to form the message goes on to tell me that she wants to get me to get a hold of the carpenter because she has some things she wants him to do and that I should call her. Same old, same old. When she doesn't care she'll let her true colours out and be as mean and nasty as she wants, but the minute she needs/wants something from me out comes the phoney gratitude and niceness. Fuck you.
I'm thinking that the best way to approach this is too keep reminding myself that she is in fact crazy and that dealing with her is in fact dealing with a crazy person. That way maybe I'll be less affected when she turns back into the nasty evil one. I don't really know, but I've got to figure out something. Sometimes I re-read these and feel like a great big whiner. If I could control my thoughts and was still thinking this way I would definitely know I was just whining. The difference this time is that I am having trouble controlling my thoughts.
Tired now. I think I'll try and sleep and see how that goes.
At least this time she left a message. As I suspected she would from her veiled hints the other day, her and Sid went to the lake for the day. She was sweet as pie and gushing about the new lights in the kitchen and the fact that the grass was cut and things were drying up. And I wonder why I'm fucking crazy! She's bloody schizophrenic! Being completely nasty one day and then about the same thing being all nice and gushy. Of course it could only mean one thing; now she wants something from me. Bitch! And true to form the message goes on to tell me that she wants to get me to get a hold of the carpenter because she has some things she wants him to do and that I should call her. Same old, same old. When she doesn't care she'll let her true colours out and be as mean and nasty as she wants, but the minute she needs/wants something from me out comes the phoney gratitude and niceness. Fuck you.
I'm thinking that the best way to approach this is too keep reminding myself that she is in fact crazy and that dealing with her is in fact dealing with a crazy person. That way maybe I'll be less affected when she turns back into the nasty evil one. I don't really know, but I've got to figure out something. Sometimes I re-read these and feel like a great big whiner. If I could control my thoughts and was still thinking this way I would definitely know I was just whining. The difference this time is that I am having trouble controlling my thoughts.
Tired now. I think I'll try and sleep and see how that goes.
Can't seem to stem the flow.
No matter how hard I try I can't seem to stem the flow of nasty thoughts about her. It woke me up this morning. All these things that I want to say to her but can't because of the firestorm that will be created. It's not that I worry about the storm so much. I've always managed to survive her storms. And the truth is I don't care about her feelings and whether what I have to say would be upsetting to her. The real reason I don't is because they wouldn't make a damn worth of difference and accomplish absolutely nothing except bad karma. Believe me I've tried and failed miserably in the past. It's like talking to a six year old who just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She gets immaturely defensive and twists everything that you say. It's so warped that it's mind boggling. I once begged and pleaded with her to have an adult conversation with me about the things that were bothering me and it was impossible. She couldn't do it. So sadly, this is where I will have to say those things.
1) I hate you. I hate what you have become and how you foist it upon me and everyone else except maybe your precious brother. How can you live each day being so fucking miserable?
2) Why do you insist on perpetuating Morris' legacy of selfishness, meanness, anger, and rudeness. Can't you see what he's done to you and your brothers? You guys could end it, here and now, but instead you further it by your own actions. Sad very sad. All the cousins have vowed to have it end with you guys. We will not be part of carrying that legacy on any further.
3) Speaking of legacies, how dare you use the one and only really important material possession of our families as a weapon of power and control over me. You know damn well that dad fought and scraped and did whatever he could to keep that place so that it could be passed on to the next generation, and the generation after that and after that etc. It has nothing to do with money and yet you always somehow make it all about that. You know how important it is to me and my family and yet you try and blame us for all that you hate about it. You use me to manage the place and take care of it and then diss me for stuff that is completely and totally fabricated in your twisted head. You have done everything in your power to ruin that place for me and it's starting to work. Damn you for that, my you rot in hell right next to your father. Just remember that once it's gone you won't be able to get it back and if you let it go you'll loose a lot more than a stupid building on a piece of property. I will never forgive you and will no longer have any reason to have anything to do with you.
4) Don't phone me and complain about anything to me any more. You have absolutely nothing to complain about. You have a beautiful apartment that you constantly complain about and put down. You're lonely because you are such a miserable person to be around that nobody can do it for any kind of extended period of time. Your poor health is, for the most part, your own doing. Get off your ass and do something about it. By choosing not to you are pathetic. You chose your friends so don't complain to me when they turn out to be just as nuts and evil as you.
I've had enough for now. Spewing all of this makes me feel no better and in some ways worse. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to end their legacy and I will turn out just as evil and messed up as they are. I'm already turning into a rage case because of her. Maybe the counsellor that I've been trying to reach can help me work through some of this shit so that I can stop it all here and now and not be responsible for perpetuating it any further. At the very least my wife and kids deserve that.
1) I hate you. I hate what you have become and how you foist it upon me and everyone else except maybe your precious brother. How can you live each day being so fucking miserable?
2) Why do you insist on perpetuating Morris' legacy of selfishness, meanness, anger, and rudeness. Can't you see what he's done to you and your brothers? You guys could end it, here and now, but instead you further it by your own actions. Sad very sad. All the cousins have vowed to have it end with you guys. We will not be part of carrying that legacy on any further.
3) Speaking of legacies, how dare you use the one and only really important material possession of our families as a weapon of power and control over me. You know damn well that dad fought and scraped and did whatever he could to keep that place so that it could be passed on to the next generation, and the generation after that and after that etc. It has nothing to do with money and yet you always somehow make it all about that. You know how important it is to me and my family and yet you try and blame us for all that you hate about it. You use me to manage the place and take care of it and then diss me for stuff that is completely and totally fabricated in your twisted head. You have done everything in your power to ruin that place for me and it's starting to work. Damn you for that, my you rot in hell right next to your father. Just remember that once it's gone you won't be able to get it back and if you let it go you'll loose a lot more than a stupid building on a piece of property. I will never forgive you and will no longer have any reason to have anything to do with you.
4) Don't phone me and complain about anything to me any more. You have absolutely nothing to complain about. You have a beautiful apartment that you constantly complain about and put down. You're lonely because you are such a miserable person to be around that nobody can do it for any kind of extended period of time. Your poor health is, for the most part, your own doing. Get off your ass and do something about it. By choosing not to you are pathetic. You chose your friends so don't complain to me when they turn out to be just as nuts and evil as you.
I've had enough for now. Spewing all of this makes me feel no better and in some ways worse. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to end their legacy and I will turn out just as evil and messed up as they are. I'm already turning into a rage case because of her. Maybe the counsellor that I've been trying to reach can help me work through some of this shit so that I can stop it all here and now and not be responsible for perpetuating it any further. At the very least my wife and kids deserve that.
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