It's been a while but not much has changed...

Things have not be going well with myself and my momzilla lately so I felt the need to write today. I don't even know where to begin but I can say with certainty that she is yet again trying to kill me and pretends to not know what she is doing. In fact today she accused me of being mean to her! Can you believe that! She actually said to me "I'm your mother how could you be so mean to me?" I had to stifle a laugh and the first thing that popped into my head was "me mean? take a look in the mirror bitch. How could you be so mean and abusive to your children?"

As per history, she started in April/May with her torrent of shit about the cottage. We need to do this, we need to do that, much of which is not anywhere near a priority to do. In fact these things where, as always, more about appearances and what other perceive than what really needs to be done. Referring to it as my cottage when she wants to give a dig. Wanting to rent it as much as possible, all the while expecting me to do the dirty grunt work with nothing but grief in return. I would move heaven and earth for that place but can no longer while she is involved. Not anymore. May and June were once again horrendous and only further sullied my feelings for this place. There is no relaxing out there, no enjoying the place as a result of her whether she is there or not. She plays the push me pull me game about whether she will use it or not and can not understand why it might be difficult to spend any length of time there with her. I would spend most of the summer out there if it were on my own with my family. She is too crazy, erratic and abusive to do that with her there. For my mental health and that of my kids I could not be there with her.

She destroyed my eastern brother so badly one call that he finally lost it on her and spewed a whole bunch true but hurtful crap at her. A a result he was supposed to be coming in to paint the place but is not now. This is what I am trying to avoid but when push comes to shove I fear that one day I will not be able to restrain myself and I too will tell what needs to be said but in an unproductive hurtful way. Despite my true feelings about her I am not out to hurt her, just to get here to leave me alone.

After driving me crazy for the month of June she ended up out there for a couple of weeks in July in between renters. While there all she did was see what in her mind needed doing and how crappie the place is. She can no longer see anything positive about anything. Wanting a new kitchen floor for a very long time she decided to look into it. This resulted in her calling me several times to discuss what she thinks she wanted. I don't really care about the floor but was asked what I thought about replacing the bathroom carpet with this new vinyl flooring. She asked me so I told her what I thought; that being that the floor gets cold in the spring and fall but that it was her decision to make. She figured that once she was spending 1000.00 another 500.00 for the bathroom wouldn't amount to much, This from the same mouth that continued on to complain about getting a 300.00 bill from the grass cutter. She simpers and whimpers about everything and want me to make all of her decisions for her. This I will not do! This conversion devolved to the point where she said "well maybe it's time to get rid of this place." I think my response floored her when I said if that is what's going to make you happy then do it! I continued to explain that the cottage and the way things are done there seemed to make her so unhappy that if selling was gong to make her happy then she should sell it. After a couple of shots she then asked me if it would make me happy to which I replied with an emphatic NO, but that it was completely irrelevant how I felt as it's her cottage and she has always made that perfectly clear hence it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You see her sons have always thought of this place as the "Families." But not her; even when my dad was alive and because her name was on the paper work she would torture my father with statements about how easy she could sell this place right out from under all of us. So the threat of selling is nothing new and get trotted out when she feels like getting really nasty. his is how our conversation went and she did not like it so she hung up after saying that she could not talk about this anymore. Fine, I don't need to talk about it either.

Today she calls to talk about some dike stuff (long story) and then tried to start up with me about managing the cottage. Am I still involved or does she need to hire someone to open and close? I tried in vain to say that I was not yet prepared to have this conversation but that I am committed to see this season through. After being forced to repeat this several different times and ways I was finally pushed to tell her that after this season if she wants to sit down and discuss this further I would do that but that there are some things that need to change in the future if I am to continue to do so. Of course that led to her demanding to know what she has done to me to make it so difficult. "I've given you cart-blanche to do what you want there" she had the nerve to say. Again it's all about her and her demanding to know what she has done that's so awful. Much as I wanted to open the floodgates I bit my tongue and told her that I was not ready to discuss this but after this season is done, if she likes , we could sit down and discuss what I need to be different if we are to co-manage the cottage together but right now the way it is is not working for ME. Again more demands for details and trying to get me to tell her what's so bad she has done. I tried to explain that this about me and me doing what I needed to do for me. That as well turned into her hearing something completely different and of course about her. Because we all know everything is a bout her. The ended poorly and yet again I have another day adversely effected by that bitch. She's driving in today and my first thought was that perhaps she'll have an accident and put us all out of our misery. Awful to some I know, but to me it has become a mantra.

Suffice it to say that we have used the place very little this year and will not be using it this weekend despite that fact that we are experiencing a heat wave.

TAGS: mother | abuse | momzilla | mental abuse