A prevailing theme.

As I went through the E-mails for the previous post I was yet again reminded how difficult she made the cottage. Every spring brought about her viscous and endless cottage crap. It was a weapon, a source of power and control. Of course I gave her that power and control until it was too much. She exhausted me. She wore me down until I felt truly punch-drunk. And now, as if to take the final knock out blow she sells the place and uses me as the main reason. And to boot she is playing the victim card by telling everyone that her children have chosen a "fucking" cottage over her. A disgusting piece of work.

If family was at all important to her she would be making attemps to salvage what is left of it. Instead she makes moves to further destroy it. To say that her response to this has been dissapointing would be an understatement of the worst kind. Why has she not fought for her children? For her family? I have been fighting most of my life to establish some sort of workable relationship with her. At times it worked but not for the last 12 to 15 years. It took me a lifetime and much hurt and anguish to arrive at the point where I am at. She wrote me off after mere months if not weeks.

Dumb bitch! She's going to rot in hell for this. And rightfully so!

some E-mail from 2003 and 2004

June 6, 2003

This morning she calls and is all light and happy. I'm still pissed off from yesterday and she starts going on about the cottage and asking me if she should go get a plumber to finish the job for me so that she can get a cleaning lady in. I tell her that I would like to finish what I started but because of my situation I can't get to it until next weekend. I also tell her that I totally understand that if she wants to be out there sooner then she should go and get a plumber to finish it off. Of course she can't make a fucken decision on her own - that would be asking to much. Anyways she says that I sound pissed off. By now you'd think that I would know better than to be honest with her, but noooooo, I'm just dumb enough to bite and tell her that I was pissed about our conversation yesterday and that I didn't need that crap. Of course she gets all mad and defensive and starts saying crap like that's my opinion and I'm entitled to it. I try to tell that she's not entitled to it when she's wrong like this; when she doesn't know all the facts. She starts accusing me of saying that she doesn't support me and that she's always trying to stay out my business and crap like that. That if I don't want her in my business that's fine by her and she'll just stay away. On and on it goes and now it's all about her. I finally ask how this has became about her when I'm the one who has the fucked up knee and needs some support here not anger and accusations. She just really pissed me off and now I have to deal with her on top of everything else.

June 2, 2004

Of course all of this flips mom out. She's being her weird spring self as usual. She gets so fucking freaky about the cottage and all at this time of year. It's predictable at this point and you'll be happy to know that some how this year, at least so far, I've been able to just say uhuh as she rambles on and not let it bother me much. She's made statements about not going at all this year using her inability to hold her pee as the main reason. She's also alluded to me several times about handing the cottage over to you and I. I don't know if she's made any mention of this to you but she wants to meet with you, me and her when and if you come later this summer. Whatever, I'll believe nothing she says on this until it's fact.

June 4, 2004

We're headed to the lake tonight. Looks like it could be a nice weekend weather-wise. Still have lots of cleaning and shit to do, despite the fact that Mom doesn't think we are capable of it. LOL I'm giving her the benefit if the doubt that she doesn't mean to be insulting when questioning whether we do a sufficient job of cleaning and asks if after all that we've done she should get the cleaning lady in. The fact is we do a better job than any cleaning lady. Hell last week I took my shop vac out and literally vacuumed floor to ceiling including the mattress' and behind the fridge and stove, something that obviously hasn't been done in years. It's funny and kind of odd, but her trepidations over our cleaning abilities actually drives us to out do her expectations. Maybe it's all part of her master plan at some sort of back handed motivation. LOL She of course never acknowledges that effort and never truly seems to know exactly how much work we put into cleaning the joint to her expectations. The bottom line is that we do a good job and know it whether she does or not. Ah, same thing every spring. It must be getting predicable at your end. LOL

July 29, 2004

Work has been a bit slow which sucks for the pocket book but has given me time to do other stuff. Stuff like taking care of the cottage. We've been having problems with the septic tank. First it was backing up in the shower and out the bottom of the toilet. After getting the clog out (which was right at the tank or so I thought) there was still an odor coming from the toilet. Mom, who was there at the time, called a plumber who said that the toilet needed to be replaced because the seal was broken at the base, right where it had been cracked for years. I had to pick up a toilet, dive out there and switch it with the old one. Truth is now that I think about it the toilet probably didn't need to be replaced, only the seal did but I did it anyways. We now have a new toilet. Unfortunately it doesn't end there. Last weekend, after the renters had left, we went out and as we were leaving to go home, I noticed that the septic tank itself was overflowing. No problems inside though. My big fear was twofold: 1) The tank/field was finally gone and 2) I was going to have to be the one to tell Mom. ;) Anyway I arranged to have the tank pumped out yesterday so that I could at least take a look and see what was going on. So I went back out Tuesday night by myself and met Gimli Septic there first thing the next morning. We pumped both the tank and the field and all looks okay, so we'll have to wait and see what happens as we fill the tank back up with use. The guy was telling me that he's been seeing a lot of this this year because of the high water table from the really wet spring we had. So hopefully that's all it is and the water table is now going down. I'll have to keep a close eye on it.

Mom took the news surprisingly well. I think in truth is she was more relieved that the decision as to whether or not to go was temporarily taken from her as she wouldn't go out until this was taken care of. I spoke too her yesterday and today and now she's talking about not going at all, at least in the near future. I'm not sure exactly what's up with that, but she's been really emotional about things lately. I'm sort of torn as to what to do. The selfish me would love to have the cottage to ourselves for the long weekend, but I also feel like I should do whatever I can to get her out there. She's coming by later today so I'll be able to see what's going on a little better than over the phone. She's all ruffled right now because she drove over a hunk of cement yesterday and ruined her front passenger tire and rime. It's getting all fixed up today but she doesn't handle this kind of stuff well.

New look. Sadly same old crap.

I decided to do some editing and it led to a whole new look and feel. Hope you like it. I've now included pertinent links on the right hand side of the page. And I love the way the archives work now. Very handy.

Despite all of that it is still the same old crap for content. I continue to get waves of sadness and have a heavy feeling of foreboding for tomorrow. Apparently that is when her and unclezilla are meeting the new owners out there to finalize things. Part of me wants to be out there to confront her on her poor behaviour and very bad decision. Of course I won't as that will solve nothing. As it is she's more liable to be pissed because of a couple of pictures that I took when I closed the place up last fall. Knowing her she could accuse me of all sorts of things. We'll see how it all plays out.

I need a break from all of this. It is so tiring.

Just in time; dinner.

Backwards

She tells everyone that her children chose a fucking cottage over her. She's got that completely backwards. Her behaviour made me choose between the cottage and her. I chose her and she can't or won't see that. I tried to walk away from the cottage as a way of getting her claws out of me. She used it like a weapon against me. I tried creating some distance in order to be able to tollerate her at all. Eventually it got bad enough that I couldn't even do that.

So she sells and all for the wrong reasons. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The resilience of children

We told our kids today that the cottage is gone. I feared that they would be devestated but instead they were sort of stunned. I think it will take some time to sink in for them and that each of them will have different feelings as they digest the news. Still it never ceases to amaze me how resiliant children truly are.

My oldest (14) is taking it the hardest but not for the reasons I thought she would. She was upset about not having a place to stay in the area of the cottage, not the loosing of the cottage itself. She is more upset over what she sees as mymomzilla's terrible behaviour. The last time she was out with her she layed a hole bunch of crap on her about how all of this is our fault, the kids included. This just came out today after telling her about the cottage. Sadly she has already had to develop a way of blocking out her evil behaviour and is beginning to see who her grandmother has become. And she's not liking what she sees.

Who can blame her?

Another worthy response

The best way in the world to not get what you want is to ask an N for it .

She will find some reason to deny you . They are so childish and sick. I agree with another poster; perhaps a sibling can retreive your things ? You would at least have a chance of getting them. I would not call mom under any circumstances and I totally agree with your wife.

I am so sorry she is hurting you again .

I find these helpful not because they either agree or support me (although that doesn't hurt) but because they reinforce that I am not alone and that sadly far too many people are going through or have gone through similar experinces. So similar that it's llike looking in a mirror.

Misery loves company I guess.

Again I could not have said it better.

I had posted on an NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) forum about mymomzilla selling the cottage. About how it has hurt all of us and how it is nothing more, in my mind at least, than a desparate act of a desparate person who is doing what she can to hurt those around her. Some don't understand what I have done by going no contact or why. As usual someone responding to my post said it better than I ever could have.

As you know, my mom sold the family business out from under us, in much the same manner. Your letter has already helped me. I am printing it out and showing it to my husband, so that he can see for himself that we are not alone in this type of horrible abuse and betrayal. Yet again, we find a device that is common among all N's (Narcissists). They are so alike. They live on a very simple operating system, as opposed to the complicated ones that make up the normal human soul.

When a supply source threatens the N with abandonment, it is the ultimate Narcissistic injury to them. It is an injury so severe, that suicide is preferable. The only way for the N to find a viable solution, is for him to control the abandonment. The N finds it bearable, I suppose, because at least he has the role of the victim for NS (Narcicisstic Supply), even though if he looks around, he can see he has now lost everything that mattered to him.

That is the reason for what they did to us, Ross. They knew they cut the last vestige of the relationship we had with them. Nevertheless, rather than become dependent on us by letting us have our dignity, showing us love, giving us something (sacrificing of themselves), they took victory in controlling the abandonment.

If this doesn't show you what hopelessness there was for a decent outcome, nothing else can. If you had stayed in the relationship in order to keep the cottage, you may have been selling your soul to the devil, kissing her butt for the remainder of her life...and then what. Very likely Momzilla if she's as predictable as most N's are...would have left the cottage to someone else in her will. After all the swallowing of pride to keep the cottage, that would have been a fate you could never recover from. I think about that whenever I need to console myself over what my NM did to us.

I have to go now RossDudley, but you have my sincerest condolences. I know how much you hurt right now. Trust me...you did the right thing leaving her. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

It is truly sad when one realizes how prevelant this insidiousness is. This person doesn't really know me at all but was dead on with the comments bout selling my soul to save the cottage. My therapist more or less said the same thing; that to stay in contact with her and continue to be involved with the cottage would be suicidal. As she put it there is no joy, for me, my wife or my children, in a cottage from a hospital bed or worse a coffin.

I loathe her and want nothing to do with her. Stuff is just that; stuff. Loosing that is nothing compared to what I have already lost.

She actually did it!

She actually sold the cottage. Bitch! Doesn't she realize that as she slowly and painfully whittles away our family she is the one who will truly be left with nothing. That she is making it easier to live with having nothing to do with her. That she continues to make it impossible to care about her in any way. Damn her.