After many months of no contact with mymomzilla except for the odd contact with my kids, and hours after taking my oldest daughter out for her 14th birthday, she calls to speak to me. Begrudgingly I took the phone figuring I could handle one call. She politely introduced herself and proceeded to explain that she had one favour to ask of me and it would be the last. She then asked that I return any keys of hers that I have. "You do have keys to my condo and to my cottage don't you?" she asked kowing full well that I do. "Well I want them back as soon as possible please."
I guess being polite somehow makes it okay. I'm not surprised by this development at all. I am a bit disappointed though. I know I shouldn't be but I am. What does she think I'm going to do? Go in and rip her off? Harm her? That's just how messed up this is. I'm not going to take anything from her nor harm her; that's for sure. I want nothing from her other than a normal, whatever that is, mom, instead of an evil twisted peice of work like her.
I think I like no contact better. Back to it.
TAGS: mother | abuse | momzilla | mental abuse | borderline | narcissistic
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
It's a sad tale.
Today would have been my father's birthday if he was still around and for some reason that is complelling me to write. Sadly he is not around having passed away 6 years ago and our family coninutes to falter in his absence. Not that he would have been able to prevent much of what has happened since his death. Many of my problems were simply compounded by his death which lead to far too much contact between my momzilla and I. Despite his shortcomings and his part in allowing mymomzilla to perpetrate her reign of evil he is very much missed.
Mymomzilla, on the other hand, seems to be in fine form these days. I can only speak second hand as I myself have not had any contact with her since some time in October or November. That lack of contact, as difficult as it has been, is so much much better then the constant anxiety, pain and anger that I lived with every day beforehand. It has taken all of my stregth to maintain. There are days when I think that perhaps I am being too drastic in my actions, with people asking me if this is to be a permanent situation etc. Those moments are short lived when I think about what a change in my stance would involve. It would be the end of me. She is further than ever to changing anything. In fact she is now blaming all of us, my brothers and myself for "ruining her life." Since she has lost me to provide her supply she has turnbed on them and it is an old familiar dance for me. Sadly not so for them. I swear I could write her script from what I hear she is saying and doing. It's textbook mymomzilla shit. She is yanking my brtoher all over the place much like she did to me only it is weekly rather than daily. For years now he has called her every Sunday at exactly the same time. Things of late have not been going so well in this weekly call with my bother often questioning why he was calling and thinking that he wouldn't if she kept up her antics. Still he calls every week until last week he had to miss because he was out of town. So he phoned her on Monday to which he was treated to her typical punishment when she does not get what she wants. "What are you calling me for?" was the first thing spit out her mouth like he was vermon. Needless to say the conversation that day was brief and unsettleing. Then he called last Sunday at the regular time and got no answer. Odd that there would be no answer as it is pretty early when he calls. He called again several times, playing right into her twisted hand. I spoke to him later in the day and he sounded a little worried like perhaps there was something wrong with her and that was why she was not answering.
That is a possibility I suppose but given my luck highly unlikely. I will admitt that I had thoughts about this finally being over because something had happened to her. Hey can't blame a guy for hoping, as crass as that sounds. I was also thinking how angry I would be if I had to be the one to go over there to check on her only to find her just fine and simply playing games with my brother. The thought stuck in the back of my head until later in the day when I had contact with my brother again to say that she had finally phoned him back only to tell him that she was home each time he called and chose not to answer and to not call her anymore, ever. That she hoped he understood that decision and that her children had ruined her life. Gee when have I heard that. Everyone at one time or another has ruined the evil bitches life, so why not us too. Hell when I was sixteen she barfed at me that I better have a job because she was saving all of her money to get out the hell hole we called home. Nice thing to say to your child. That has been refraised many times over the years. She has said things of that nature to us our whole lives and can't figure out why we don't want to have so much to do with her. And now instead of perhaps trying to see what she has become she would rather push everyone away and hurt them as much as possible in the process. Everything though is not as it seems on the surface.
You see she is of the ilk that believes your mother or father can foist whatever crap they want on their children and thier children should suck it up and take it. Well I am living breathing proof that that is not always possible and sometimes you do have to look out for yourself first and foremost. One of our local papers had an interesting column in it today of all days. It is one of those columns where people write in with their personal problems looking for answers. Here is todays question and answer:
So, yet another person going through similar trials and yet again support for the notion that no, family members DO NOT get to treat each other poorly and expect one to keep coming back for more. It just can't work that way.
TAGS: mother | abuse | momzilla | mental abuse | borderline | narcissistic
Mymomzilla, on the other hand, seems to be in fine form these days. I can only speak second hand as I myself have not had any contact with her since some time in October or November. That lack of contact, as difficult as it has been, is so much much better then the constant anxiety, pain and anger that I lived with every day beforehand. It has taken all of my stregth to maintain. There are days when I think that perhaps I am being too drastic in my actions, with people asking me if this is to be a permanent situation etc. Those moments are short lived when I think about what a change in my stance would involve. It would be the end of me. She is further than ever to changing anything. In fact she is now blaming all of us, my brothers and myself for "ruining her life." Since she has lost me to provide her supply she has turnbed on them and it is an old familiar dance for me. Sadly not so for them. I swear I could write her script from what I hear she is saying and doing. It's textbook mymomzilla shit. She is yanking my brtoher all over the place much like she did to me only it is weekly rather than daily. For years now he has called her every Sunday at exactly the same time. Things of late have not been going so well in this weekly call with my bother often questioning why he was calling and thinking that he wouldn't if she kept up her antics. Still he calls every week until last week he had to miss because he was out of town. So he phoned her on Monday to which he was treated to her typical punishment when she does not get what she wants. "What are you calling me for?" was the first thing spit out her mouth like he was vermon. Needless to say the conversation that day was brief and unsettleing. Then he called last Sunday at the regular time and got no answer. Odd that there would be no answer as it is pretty early when he calls. He called again several times, playing right into her twisted hand. I spoke to him later in the day and he sounded a little worried like perhaps there was something wrong with her and that was why she was not answering.
That is a possibility I suppose but given my luck highly unlikely. I will admitt that I had thoughts about this finally being over because something had happened to her. Hey can't blame a guy for hoping, as crass as that sounds. I was also thinking how angry I would be if I had to be the one to go over there to check on her only to find her just fine and simply playing games with my brother. The thought stuck in the back of my head until later in the day when I had contact with my brother again to say that she had finally phoned him back only to tell him that she was home each time he called and chose not to answer and to not call her anymore, ever. That she hoped he understood that decision and that her children had ruined her life. Gee when have I heard that. Everyone at one time or another has ruined the evil bitches life, so why not us too. Hell when I was sixteen she barfed at me that I better have a job because she was saving all of her money to get out the hell hole we called home. Nice thing to say to your child. That has been refraised many times over the years. She has said things of that nature to us our whole lives and can't figure out why we don't want to have so much to do with her. And now instead of perhaps trying to see what she has become she would rather push everyone away and hurt them as much as possible in the process. Everything though is not as it seems on the surface.
You see she is of the ilk that believes your mother or father can foist whatever crap they want on their children and thier children should suck it up and take it. Well I am living breathing proof that that is not always possible and sometimes you do have to look out for yourself first and foremost. One of our local papers had an interesting column in it today of all days. It is one of those columns where people write in with their personal problems looking for answers. Here is todays question and answer:
Q) I think my bother is a conniving, petty, conscience-free zone. He has undermined my efforts, gone behind my back with friends and even attempted to blackmail one of my boyfriends. I used to make excuses for him and forgive him but I'm all done now that we are adults and he has continued to repeat his hurtful behaviour. My mother thinks I shouldn't give up on him and that families should stick together no matter what happens. I understand that she's his parent and will always love him but why should I have to do the same? I want to just cut off contact. Am I being unfair?
A) Although you can have an ex-girlfriend, an ex-husband and a former roommate, there's no language that allows you to have an ex-brother or a former mother, which I think is highly unfair manipulation of the English language. Just because you share some DNA does not mean that the relationship between genitically connected humans will be a satisfactory one. I believe that to be treated like family you have to act like family. There's no law that says you can mistreat and take advantage of family members and then swoop in like a pigeon without impunity for praise and birthday gifts. Your adult brother has a mental-health issue - but that is his work to pursue, not yours. Let your mom do it her way, but let her know your feelings are different and that you are opting out of this sibling arranement until he acts like a brother. Your life is important too.
So, yet another person going through similar trials and yet again support for the notion that no, family members DO NOT get to treat each other poorly and expect one to keep coming back for more. It just can't work that way.
TAGS: mother | abuse | momzilla | mental abuse | borderline | narcissistic
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