Today was the closing date for aplication for my wife's position. Finally at the eleventh hour the evil shrew agreed to meet with her. Of course she showed up 20 minutes late while my wife patiently waited. The meeting went as poory as coupld be expected except for one thing. The evil shrew was not only complimentary about the job she'd done to date but apologetic for not having properly communicated with my her. Then she tipped her hat. I should preface this with the fact the rumour over the last couple of weeks is that the successful applicant has already been chosen and spoken to and it is an Aboriginal woman from the community who has experience in the community but no formal education nor understanding of government policy or operations. The evil shrew tipped her hat by prefacing everything she had just said by saying "I should tell you that the party direction is to fill as many positions with aboriginal people as are qualified for the job." She then said something to the effect that should an aboriginal person apply they would be hard pressed to turn them down.
The feeling in my wife's gut when she heard this told her that she should put her name forward. She is resolved to let the party make the decision. If they go with this other woman they will have a ridiculously difficult time justifying her over my wife. We will cross the what-if-they-give-her-the-job bridge when and only if that actually happens. Besides she can always withdraw her name citing all the crap that has gone down. The community is supporting her and is putting that supoort in writing. This pretty unusual as they are usually at odds with the government; their funders.
So the fight is on. I am relieved to see that she is not going down without a fight and all the more amazed at her abilty to continue to work and function normally while all of this is going on. Equally amazing is her abiltiy do this strategically and without too much emotion clouding her judgement. Hell I'd be a live wire that would be all over the place allowing my emotions to control all of my decisions. Let's just say it wouldn't be pretty.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Fuck this city!
Maybe it's time to leave this city. I told my wife that there really isn't anything keeping us here given what has been happening in the last few months. No more mother. No more cottage. No more career dream job for her. What's really keeping us here?
The truth is that we really do love it here but this place just seems to smack us down every time we get even one step ahead. Just when things are starting to feel almost normal and happy since going NC with mymomzilla the bitch from hell shows up on my wife's scene as her evil boss who is now in the process of making damn sure that my wife does not get hired for the job she was groomed for and obviously the best choice. Worse is the fact that nobody seems to give a damn nor be prepared to do anything about it. I think it's criminal what is being done but even more so find it reprehensible that this is also a system that seems punish those that dare to stand up for themselves.
I would be banging on doors and kicking and screeming if this were me. Of course that is why I am now relegated to the basement only venturing out when absolutely necessary. LOL Seriously it is driving me crazy knowing that somewhere along the way the system allowed this kind of thing to become not only acceptable but openly tolerated and common-place. All the while we are paying this shrew's very healthy salary with our fucking taxes! Fuck that!
Maybe it is time to get out of dodge. My wife is already getting interest from another city out east. Only idle chatter right now but she hasn't even put it out there that she is even looking. I guess time will tell and we'll start with the next few days which are strategically significant with tomorrow being the closing date for applicants for her job. Since yesterday (Wednesday) my wife has been asking for a meeting with this shrew on an urgent matter where she was going to lay it straight out and ask her if she thought my wife should put her name forward. Of course we assumed that she would say something like "Of course you should" and that's it, at which point my wife was going to then ask here about all the eveidence to the contrary. Finally after sending yet another E-mail request directly to her, she had her secretary phone my wife to schedule an appointment for today. When she told me this I immediately doubted whether it would ever happen. Sure enough today's meeting was cancelled and rescheduled for 8:00 am tomorrow morning. I still don't believe that it will happen. I think she'll stonewall until Monday at which point it will all be too late.
I think she should put her name forward and then withdraw it with a full and detailed explanation when this bitch stonewalls her again tomorrow it being the closing date and all. Some think she should put her name forward, get the job as there is no doubt that she is the most qualified for the position, and then demand the top of the scale for salary with the thinking that they'd never give her that. If they did it would mean working for the shrew which is not possible. To walk away after being offered the position and turning it down would not look good. Either way you cut it she is out of this position with no recourse at all and would be punished for standing up for herself on the way out. A no win situation. Very frustrating.
The truth is that we really do love it here but this place just seems to smack us down every time we get even one step ahead. Just when things are starting to feel almost normal and happy since going NC with mymomzilla the bitch from hell shows up on my wife's scene as her evil boss who is now in the process of making damn sure that my wife does not get hired for the job she was groomed for and obviously the best choice. Worse is the fact that nobody seems to give a damn nor be prepared to do anything about it. I think it's criminal what is being done but even more so find it reprehensible that this is also a system that seems punish those that dare to stand up for themselves.
I would be banging on doors and kicking and screeming if this were me. Of course that is why I am now relegated to the basement only venturing out when absolutely necessary. LOL Seriously it is driving me crazy knowing that somewhere along the way the system allowed this kind of thing to become not only acceptable but openly tolerated and common-place. All the while we are paying this shrew's very healthy salary with our fucking taxes! Fuck that!
Maybe it is time to get out of dodge. My wife is already getting interest from another city out east. Only idle chatter right now but she hasn't even put it out there that she is even looking. I guess time will tell and we'll start with the next few days which are strategically significant with tomorrow being the closing date for applicants for her job. Since yesterday (Wednesday) my wife has been asking for a meeting with this shrew on an urgent matter where she was going to lay it straight out and ask her if she thought my wife should put her name forward. Of course we assumed that she would say something like "Of course you should" and that's it, at which point my wife was going to then ask here about all the eveidence to the contrary. Finally after sending yet another E-mail request directly to her, she had her secretary phone my wife to schedule an appointment for today. When she told me this I immediately doubted whether it would ever happen. Sure enough today's meeting was cancelled and rescheduled for 8:00 am tomorrow morning. I still don't believe that it will happen. I think she'll stonewall until Monday at which point it will all be too late.
I think she should put her name forward and then withdraw it with a full and detailed explanation when this bitch stonewalls her again tomorrow it being the closing date and all. Some think she should put her name forward, get the job as there is no doubt that she is the most qualified for the position, and then demand the top of the scale for salary with the thinking that they'd never give her that. If they did it would mean working for the shrew which is not possible. To walk away after being offered the position and turning it down would not look good. Either way you cut it she is out of this position with no recourse at all and would be punished for standing up for herself on the way out. A no win situation. Very frustrating.
The dreaded day approaches
This Saturday is mymomzilla's 75th birthday. Since going NC in October I certainly had no desire nor intention to acknowledge it in any way and I thought I was very content with that. Now here's the thing; I am not considering anything different BUT, and to my surprise I am finding the whole thing very difficult.
It's not that I feel that I should call her which is what one might assume is the problem. Instead I find myself WISHING that I could be a part of her birthday wishes and wishing that that in itself would be a happy and joyous occasion. Of course I know very well that's not how birthdays go with her and that it wouyld be the same as previous train-wrecks that she called birthdays. In fact it would surely be hightened and probably much worse given it is her 75th.
Her 70th was sort of the beginning of the end for me. She started weeks before with her usual crap about not wanting anyone to celebrate her birthday. That women in particular do not celebrate milestones like a 70th birthday and besides it would all be just a waste of money that nobody can afford nor particularly wants to spend on her. (Poor wittle me, nobody woves me.) As the day approached she escalated until finally we all agreed to do nothing except send her flowers. She ran away to her cottage so they were sent out there prompting angry phone calls to both myself and my brother about how we should not have wasted the money on flowers especially because, in her opinion we couldn't afford such things. That we just wasted our money. Unfortunately I had to go to the cottage on business for the day on the day of her actual birthday. I was showing the place to potential renters which was my job at the time. She was as nasty as she gets and did nothing but bad mouth her own cottage to these people who were interested in renting it. After they left she challenged me on why me and my family were not spending the weekend out there. Was it because she was there? Well for the first time probably in my life I took the risk and I was perfectly honest with her. You can guess how that went. I told her that given her heightened state of agitation there was no way I was going to drag my wife and kids out there so we could all walk on egg shells for the weekend. Of course she heard that I don't want my precious (her word) wife and kids around her. That I think she is dangerous to them and that's why we aren't there. On and on it went while going absolutley nowhere. She turned into an angry 5 year old and was not capable of having any kind of rational or intelligent conversation on this. I finally gave up, walked out and drove home to the city. As a result of this she told everyone that I ruined her 70th birthday. That she would never get over that. That I think my 'precious' children are too good for her. She did not speak to me for months afterwards. It wasan't until my wife, for reasons I don't remember, decided it was time to mend fences that she decided to talk to me again. My wife took the kids over to her place for a visit and during that visit put out to her what was going in our lives at the time. There was other crap going on and mymomzilla used this as an acceptable excuse for my 'behaviour.' In other words my wife ate a ton of shit to make peace. Turns out none of it was worth it as things only got worse as time went by.
Now we are at her 75th and things are pretty much done. I have felt better since having no contact so that is the way it must be. Propably for the best lest I ruin another milestone birthday. Althought the last thing I feel now is guilt I do feel sad that she is who she is and thus we all can't join happily in what should be a celebration of her life.
It's not that I feel that I should call her which is what one might assume is the problem. Instead I find myself WISHING that I could be a part of her birthday wishes and wishing that that in itself would be a happy and joyous occasion. Of course I know very well that's not how birthdays go with her and that it wouyld be the same as previous train-wrecks that she called birthdays. In fact it would surely be hightened and probably much worse given it is her 75th.
Her 70th was sort of the beginning of the end for me. She started weeks before with her usual crap about not wanting anyone to celebrate her birthday. That women in particular do not celebrate milestones like a 70th birthday and besides it would all be just a waste of money that nobody can afford nor particularly wants to spend on her. (Poor wittle me, nobody woves me.) As the day approached she escalated until finally we all agreed to do nothing except send her flowers. She ran away to her cottage so they were sent out there prompting angry phone calls to both myself and my brother about how we should not have wasted the money on flowers especially because, in her opinion we couldn't afford such things. That we just wasted our money. Unfortunately I had to go to the cottage on business for the day on the day of her actual birthday. I was showing the place to potential renters which was my job at the time. She was as nasty as she gets and did nothing but bad mouth her own cottage to these people who were interested in renting it. After they left she challenged me on why me and my family were not spending the weekend out there. Was it because she was there? Well for the first time probably in my life I took the risk and I was perfectly honest with her. You can guess how that went. I told her that given her heightened state of agitation there was no way I was going to drag my wife and kids out there so we could all walk on egg shells for the weekend. Of course she heard that I don't want my precious (her word) wife and kids around her. That I think she is dangerous to them and that's why we aren't there. On and on it went while going absolutley nowhere. She turned into an angry 5 year old and was not capable of having any kind of rational or intelligent conversation on this. I finally gave up, walked out and drove home to the city. As a result of this she told everyone that I ruined her 70th birthday. That she would never get over that. That I think my 'precious' children are too good for her. She did not speak to me for months afterwards. It wasan't until my wife, for reasons I don't remember, decided it was time to mend fences that she decided to talk to me again. My wife took the kids over to her place for a visit and during that visit put out to her what was going in our lives at the time. There was other crap going on and mymomzilla used this as an acceptable excuse for my 'behaviour.' In other words my wife ate a ton of shit to make peace. Turns out none of it was worth it as things only got worse as time went by.
Now we are at her 75th and things are pretty much done. I have felt better since having no contact so that is the way it must be. Propably for the best lest I ruin another milestone birthday. Althought the last thing I feel now is guilt I do feel sad that she is who she is and thus we all can't join happily in what should be a celebration of her life.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
No fight to lose.
It would appear that there is no fight to be had in the case of my wife being run out of her beloved job. She had resolved to fight for what is rightfully hers until a number of her supporters reiterated what she was told last week. Since then she has met with both HR and Employment Standards to see what, if any rights she has. None really. This woman has danced along the edge of impropriety without crossing it and although what she is doing is morrally wrong there is no stopping her on legal grounds.
Now my wife is contemplating the next move. She has been advised and I support this to step down from the position on Friday instead of putting her name forward. Why let them continue to abuse her when they aren't even going to give her the job. Besides, if she steps down she is then again protected under the union. As a Director she has no protection. Two things are clear: 1) She is not who the ADM wants in the position and 2) Even if she did some how get the position she would still be working for the same ADM. Does she really want to do that? The answer is no, thank goodness. My wife is very clear that she will no longer work for her.
Well sort of. Turns out that if she steps down from the postion she reverts to her old position and must continue to work in that office!! Without a Director in place the ADM calls the shots. My worry is that because of this nothing will really change. Not to mention that I find it unconscionable to think that she has to go back there. Apparently the only way to get an immediate transfer is with a doctor certifying that working in these conditions is harmful to her health. This also stays on your record as long as you are an employee. Not good and my wife will not do it anyway. So in the meantime she has to go in to the same office she is no longer the director of. She must at the same time also find a new position. And all because of another nasty-ass power hungry, narcissistic bitch!!!
The whole thing just drives me crazy pushing all of the wrong buttons with me. It takes everything in my power not to lash out in some way. It pounds square on my un-just button. Here is someone who worked for many years to make it to this position in a program she was completely committed to and for what? To have it completely destroyed in six short months by this person. And for no apparent reason other than she wants to. The staff of the program are devastated telling my wife that despite this crap the last six months have been the best in years with one staff saying she saved that place for her and she has gone from loathing coming in to work to actually looking forward to it.
None of it makes sense. I guess when I stop to think about it not much does.
Now my wife is contemplating the next move. She has been advised and I support this to step down from the position on Friday instead of putting her name forward. Why let them continue to abuse her when they aren't even going to give her the job. Besides, if she steps down she is then again protected under the union. As a Director she has no protection. Two things are clear: 1) She is not who the ADM wants in the position and 2) Even if she did some how get the position she would still be working for the same ADM. Does she really want to do that? The answer is no, thank goodness. My wife is very clear that she will no longer work for her.
Well sort of. Turns out that if she steps down from the postion she reverts to her old position and must continue to work in that office!! Without a Director in place the ADM calls the shots. My worry is that because of this nothing will really change. Not to mention that I find it unconscionable to think that she has to go back there. Apparently the only way to get an immediate transfer is with a doctor certifying that working in these conditions is harmful to her health. This also stays on your record as long as you are an employee. Not good and my wife will not do it anyway. So in the meantime she has to go in to the same office she is no longer the director of. She must at the same time also find a new position. And all because of another nasty-ass power hungry, narcissistic bitch!!!
The whole thing just drives me crazy pushing all of the wrong buttons with me. It takes everything in my power not to lash out in some way. It pounds square on my un-just button. Here is someone who worked for many years to make it to this position in a program she was completely committed to and for what? To have it completely destroyed in six short months by this person. And for no apparent reason other than she wants to. The staff of the program are devastated telling my wife that despite this crap the last six months have been the best in years with one staff saying she saved that place for her and she has gone from loathing coming in to work to actually looking forward to it.
None of it makes sense. I guess when I stop to think about it not much does.
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