This was the best mother's day in years! It was the first with NC and for the first time in many years I did not feel anxious or upset over the prospect of being verbally smacked down yet again while at the same time being expected to pay homage to the person doing the smacking. There was no guilty feelings, no anxious feelings, and no wondering what kind of crap would be in store for me this day. Instead I focussed on making sure my wife had a wonderful mother's day, allowing her to do whatever she wanted. It was great; the kids had a great day as did she and I, as I said, had the best mother's day probably ever! I will cop to hating all the mother's day hype but used that as an example of my feeling good about this mother's day. While walking into the mall on the Sat. before Mother's day my wife commented on how she had bought her mother's day gift weeks ago and didn't have to do the last minute thing like so many around us were obviously doing. I just smiled and laughed at her saying that I was one up on her because I didn't need to buy anything at all.
Conversly my brother was not so lucky. When he called her to wish her a happy mother's day he got smacked hard and has vowed not to call her again for a very long time. As could be expected on Mother's Day she was vile but this time was an exception. Not only was she wondering why he woud call her at all but she gave him supreme shit for coming to town and not seeing her. "How dare you come to town for six days and not visit me! How embarrassing. The only reason you came was to ransack MY cottage." were only a few of the vile tidbits from her lovely mouth. Who can blame him for not wanting to speak with her again. She is doing this to herself but refuses to see it. When challenged about telling him and his daughter not to visit she denied having ever said anything like that insisting that she would never have said anything like that. Does she think we make this up for fun? Why would we when it's such vile shit! This episode only further cemented for me why I had no choice but to go NC. She will never change and thus will never accept any responsibility for her part in all of this. Without that there is no recovery, no coming back from the hurt and pain her and her personality dissorder have doled out. Instead it is time to move forward, sadly without her, to a happier place. Of course this will result in her losing out on a real family.
Now for the first time in many years I look forward to not being all messed up by her birthday. It's her 75th and I won't be part of it. If mother's day is any indication I will be all the healthier and happier for not having anything to do with her, birthday or not.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
End of an error.
It's now been some time since I have written here and since my borther and niece were here for one last visit to the cottage before it was no longer available. For many reasons I had a hard time getting to this point where I felt like I could think about it let alone write about it. As good as it was to see my niece and brother it wasn't easy given why they were here. There were many emotions swirling around both the loss of the cottage and the overall deteriorating situation with mymomzilla. She really cemented my decision to go NC with her behaviour before, during and especially after their visit.
If you recall before their arrival mymozilla had wished my brother a good trip here and back home. When pressed about that one she replied that she had nothing to see him about while he was here. As if that wasn't bad enough she also told my niece the same thing when she phoned to tell her that she too was coming to say goodbye to the cottage. This really incensed my bother and who could blame him. Still and despite that he called her while he was here. This presented some issues for me as he was staying with me and calling her was like inviting her into my house. He called her she called him back and he was out sort of thing. I sure as shit wasn't about to answer the phone from her. Sadly just the fact that she was calling was enough to give me a pain in the stomach. When will that end? Regardless her conversations with him were not good and certainly led him to believe that a visit was not what she wanted nor he given how she was behaving. She made all sorts of dumb statements about how we all chose a fucking cottage over her and how all of the contents were hers and we could only remove what was rightfuly ours. Silly us thought at many points in our lives and right up to this point that the cottage was all of OURS, but she proved us wrong. She'd been proving that one wrong since the day my dad died and she insisted on referring to the cottage as HER cottage etc. So needless to say nobody was eager to speak with her let alone visit with her.
The day we went to the cottage was long and not so easy. I was in a different place than the two of them having said goodbye to the place many times over the last few years as mymomzilla threatened over and over to sell. As I further distanced myself from her I also had to distance myself from the cottage. So I was somewhat practiced at this insane task and yet not really prepared for the reality of it. That is still sinking in. Regardless we did go and did manage to extract what we could but not close to all of what we wanted. Cie la vie, it's only just stuff. The two of them took the time they needed to say good bye in a way that they needed. I was more interested in getting in and out without having any kind of uninvited altercation with either mymomzilla and/or unclezilla or with a rude nosey neighbour. We did have a discussion with one of the neighbours where we did our bit to set the record straight. I as usual said more than perhaps I should have but as you are all well aware once I get going on this shit there is no telling when I'll stop. LOL Besides I don't give a shit who knows the truth beit shameful or not. Believe me there is much in this that mymomzilla should feel ashamed about. The least of which is the condition in which she sold this place. She was so fast to unload it that it looks as if someone was living there one day and then had to leave with only the clothes on their back the next. There was still food in the cupboards and clothes in the drawers. Of course we were not to touch any of that, so shame on her for leaving it like that. No respect for others and no dignity left for herself. That should be on her headstone when the blessed day arrives.
So we took what little of our past we could; all that she considered garbage. It is hard not to get lumped in there with the other "garbage." It is difficult not to think that she must see us as garbage to be able to toss aside such an integral part of all of our lives and to be so cruel in the doing. Well at least we will move on to be happy. I don't think she can say the same. In losing, er should I say disposing of the cottage in the way that she did she lost/disposed of much more. She lost er disposed of her family in one foul swoop. I sure hope she can live with that because I know that I do and happily so. Any contact with her after we had come back from the cottage was met with more rudeness and nastiness. That is until a couple of days after visiting the cottage she realized that they were still visiting and started to soften her stance about not wanting to see them. Too little too late as that visit never occured. More on that later.
With the cottage now officially gone and in the possession of others an era comes to an end with a major error in judgement. An era is over because of greed and anger, not to mention a messed up personality dissorder. I am still having all sorts of very vivid and specific memories of the cottage and surrounding areas. They are vivid and specific and sometimes come completley out of nowhere. For example, the other night while camping for the May long weekend (a first for us) I woke up hearing the waves of Lake Winnipeg as I did for most of my life out my bedroom window of the cottage. The sad thing was we were in fact in the middle of what is essentially a field many miles away from any lake let alone the 13th largest in the world. End of an error indeed.
If you recall before their arrival mymozilla had wished my brother a good trip here and back home. When pressed about that one she replied that she had nothing to see him about while he was here. As if that wasn't bad enough she also told my niece the same thing when she phoned to tell her that she too was coming to say goodbye to the cottage. This really incensed my bother and who could blame him. Still and despite that he called her while he was here. This presented some issues for me as he was staying with me and calling her was like inviting her into my house. He called her she called him back and he was out sort of thing. I sure as shit wasn't about to answer the phone from her. Sadly just the fact that she was calling was enough to give me a pain in the stomach. When will that end? Regardless her conversations with him were not good and certainly led him to believe that a visit was not what she wanted nor he given how she was behaving. She made all sorts of dumb statements about how we all chose a fucking cottage over her and how all of the contents were hers and we could only remove what was rightfuly ours. Silly us thought at many points in our lives and right up to this point that the cottage was all of OURS, but she proved us wrong. She'd been proving that one wrong since the day my dad died and she insisted on referring to the cottage as HER cottage etc. So needless to say nobody was eager to speak with her let alone visit with her.
The day we went to the cottage was long and not so easy. I was in a different place than the two of them having said goodbye to the place many times over the last few years as mymomzilla threatened over and over to sell. As I further distanced myself from her I also had to distance myself from the cottage. So I was somewhat practiced at this insane task and yet not really prepared for the reality of it. That is still sinking in. Regardless we did go and did manage to extract what we could but not close to all of what we wanted. Cie la vie, it's only just stuff. The two of them took the time they needed to say good bye in a way that they needed. I was more interested in getting in and out without having any kind of uninvited altercation with either mymomzilla and/or unclezilla or with a rude nosey neighbour. We did have a discussion with one of the neighbours where we did our bit to set the record straight. I as usual said more than perhaps I should have but as you are all well aware once I get going on this shit there is no telling when I'll stop. LOL Besides I don't give a shit who knows the truth beit shameful or not. Believe me there is much in this that mymomzilla should feel ashamed about. The least of which is the condition in which she sold this place. She was so fast to unload it that it looks as if someone was living there one day and then had to leave with only the clothes on their back the next. There was still food in the cupboards and clothes in the drawers. Of course we were not to touch any of that, so shame on her for leaving it like that. No respect for others and no dignity left for herself. That should be on her headstone when the blessed day arrives.
So we took what little of our past we could; all that she considered garbage. It is hard not to get lumped in there with the other "garbage." It is difficult not to think that she must see us as garbage to be able to toss aside such an integral part of all of our lives and to be so cruel in the doing. Well at least we will move on to be happy. I don't think she can say the same. In losing, er should I say disposing of the cottage in the way that she did she lost/disposed of much more. She lost er disposed of her family in one foul swoop. I sure hope she can live with that because I know that I do and happily so. Any contact with her after we had come back from the cottage was met with more rudeness and nastiness. That is until a couple of days after visiting the cottage she realized that they were still visiting and started to soften her stance about not wanting to see them. Too little too late as that visit never occured. More on that later.
With the cottage now officially gone and in the possession of others an era comes to an end with a major error in judgement. An era is over because of greed and anger, not to mention a messed up personality dissorder. I am still having all sorts of very vivid and specific memories of the cottage and surrounding areas. They are vivid and specific and sometimes come completley out of nowhere. For example, the other night while camping for the May long weekend (a first for us) I woke up hearing the waves of Lake Winnipeg as I did for most of my life out my bedroom window of the cottage. The sad thing was we were in fact in the middle of what is essentially a field many miles away from any lake let alone the 13th largest in the world. End of an error indeed.
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